Dear Readers,

It has recently come to my attention that there is not a universal grading system for Men on Dates. WHAT an atrocity!!! Everyone knows that great customer service relies upon honest and constructive feedback. In the culinary world, a restaurant doesn’t dare claim to be the best until a critic dines and writes up a summary of the experience. Somehow though, men think that they are allowed to circumvent this rite of passage.

In our tech savvy world, it would be EASY to implement a simple feedback form into modern dating sites. There would be several multiple choice questions about attractiveness, conversation skill, humor, sex appeal, and desire to please. A free response “comments” section for special anecdotes or particular highlights. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, a dichotomous “better or worse than expected” and a “would or would not go on this date again if given a do-over”. The multiple choice questions would be scored and then each man could be placed on a validated curve. You could see which percentile a particular man falls into! If we want to protect anonymity, simply wait to publish a man’s percentiles until he has at least 5 reviews, and make it so that only women are allowed to see the comments section.

See? My solution is simple. Less than 5 min to give someone the feedback that might ACTuALLy get them to pause and think about their overall performance.

I cannot claim credit entirely for this brilliant idea. The coven has greatly influenced my conviction that this is a NECESSITY. How else is a woman to know that her perfect twin, a man who worked in a children’s museum for God’s sake, was not going to be a good match in the sack? Next time, I pray that she’ll get to view his sexuality score BEFORE committing to spending the night.

Let me know what you think in the comments! If I can’t find a techy to code up this idea, I might just give out paper feedback forms at the end of each date. XOXO, gossip girl

Well dear readers, it’s confirmed. I am a woman of loose morals. I DID go over and hook up with the roommate of the man I formerly slept with.

A blonde swedish man, he told me all about his future career aspirations in FinTech. I thought his vapid and self-centered monologuing was a sure-fire sign that he was going to be no better in bed than his hot military roommate. But, dear readers, I was WRONG.

He may have been dull, but he sure did know his way around a woman’s body.

As we reached exciting heights of pleasure and ecstasy he asked me “Do you want it in your ass?

I responded breathlessly, “No thank you.”

Dear readers,

I come to you with a dilemma. As will be featured in a future post, I previously hooked up with a Conservative (read: definitely voted for Trump) military man in the claw fountain of Stanford University’s campus. He was a horrible person, but extremely attractive. While our relationship did not last (*this may have had something to do with his complete lack of interest in making me orgasm), his roommate recently reached out to me on Hinge and is definitely interested in fucking.

Logistically speaking, military man is out of town for the holidays…

Morally speaking, military man may not have given me an orgasm, but he did vote for Trump which means his roommate might also be a C-word…

So we reach a moral quandary.

Feel free to tell me your thoughts on this catch 22 in the comments!

Honestly the jury is still out.